Asking about mental health
Have you ever asked someone how they are because you’ve been worried about them, only for them to tell you they are fine?
But deep down, you know that they aren’t fine.
How can you start a deeper conversation with someone about their mental wellbeing?
Many people can hesitate to ask others about their mental health for fear that they might upset the person or not know how to respond if the person does admit that they are struggling. While starting the conversation might be tough for us, knowing that there is someone who cares enough to ask those questions can be critical for a person who is struggling with their mental health. While the questions you ask and the way you approach the conversations might be different when asking a close friend versus a colleague, or a young person versus an adult, below are some tips on how to start the conversation.
Don’t force them to talk
It can be difficult to talk about mental health, and some of the issues underlying a person’s poor mental health can be traumatic for them. If they don’t want to open up to you, reassure them that you are willing to listen any time they are ready to talk. You could also suggest that they speak to someone else they might be more comfortable sharing their feelings with.
Know when you’re out of your depth
Some of the things they tell you might be hard for you to hear, or the person may need help above what you can provide. Offer to go to the GP with them or encourage them to call a support line. If they are in danger, taking them to the hospital or calling 000 may be necessary.
Choose your moment
It’s important that you are feeling calm and ready to listen, but also that you and the person have some privacy. If you are being distracted by your work phone ringing or the kids bugging you for snacks, it can be hard for you both to focus on the conversation.
Don’t be judgemental
Some of the things they tell you may not seem like such a big deal to you, or you may not agree with them, but to the person, these are important and very real issues. Avoid telling them it doesn’t seem so bad, or that they’ll get over it. This minimises their feelings, which can make them feel worse and less likely to open up and seek help. However, by showing that you understand their feelings (“That must have been really hard for you,” “It sounds like that was really upsetting,” etc), it shows that you respect what they are going through.
Take care of yourself
Providing support for another person can have a mental and emotional impact on you. Ensure that you take the time to process what you have heard, and debrief with another person or a support service if necessary.
If you or anyone else need support, you can access this by contacting one of the counselling services below:
Lifeline – 13 11 14
Suicide Call Back Service – 1300 659 467
Kids Help Line – 1800 551 800
